Never Keeping Secrets…

Well…that’s a lie. In fact, as my family members and other fictive kin would say, “Yous a lie.” Instead of referencing the classic Babyface hit, I should have titled it, “Confessions, Pt. II.” …so, what are the secrets I have been keeping and the confessions I need to make?…we’ll get to that. First…

I would like to apologize for the disappearing act and for not being a better blogger friend to so many of you. While I have been sick and busy, I really had no excuse. I could have made time to respond to communications but I’ll also admit that I was a bit “lost” for a while and my focus was on just “performing” in real life. In any instance, I thank so many of you for sending me an email or leaving a comment. Your kindness was so very much appreciated and I will try to do better in the future.

I recently celebrated my birthday and looked back at my December posts from 2021. I was so excited and hopeful. I still am hopeful but my outlook is definitely a bit more cautiously optimistic than it was then…

Health – I have developed a new appreciation for those who experience chronic health issues and for those who work in service positions with the public. One of my biggest challenges in October and November was staying healthy. Gigging and volunteering means that I was come into contact with the public, and children, far more often than I have previously. Unfortunately, I got another cold and the flu, and the flu resulted in bronchitis. I was tired and constantly worried because being sick meant I couldn’t work. I was also a bit angry with myself…the reason I hadn’t gotten the flu shot this season is that without insurance it’s $40.00. After I got the flu, I investigated lower-cost options and found that Costco offered the vaccination for just under $20.00. I subsequently got the flu shot and have been more diligent about masking, washing my hands, taking my vitamins, and getting enough sleep. I’ve been healthy the last couple of weeks and very grateful.

Work – …has been all over. I didn’t end up getting that role at University B…and I’m not sad. Ultimately, I could have done the job but the person to whom I would have reported has a far different approach to the work of equity and inclusion than I do. Like, I understand we are in the south and that religion and spirituality are important aspects of the daily life for many folks…BUT they cannot be the basis or the lens through which you approach equity work. Full stop. I think there is a bit of generational tension between older folks who do this work (Baby Boomers and some older GenX) and millennials who are now slowly moving into more senior leadership positions behind GenXers. This is further complicated, particularly in the south, by cultural performances/expectations but…yea. I’m okay with how this shook out.

If I work a gig through Qwick and the manager/owner isn’t offering me a job, then I just haven’t worked hard enough. Fortunately, this has not been the case and every gig I have worked recently has resulted in them offering me a permanent position. Most of the time, I have not been too tempted but recently have been giving more thought to it. A more permanent gig in food service would not appropriately compensate the time and money I have invested in my education. However, it would just be for now and result in a more consistent income… A friend who works at Target also let me know she spoke about me to her store manager and that the store manager would be interested in hiring me as a “team lead.” Before you laugh, the team lead salaries start at $70K. Yea. What the hell was I doing at University B for three years?

I continue to be in contact with colleagues at Organization C. Another left and I was recently asked to complete a reference on behalf of another. Bad Leader (this is what I’m calling my former boss) continues to reach out to me. At first, I was entirely perplexed. These emails were super vague, and didn’t really ask for or share information. This guy doesn’t really talk to you unless he needs something/can get something from you. After my departure, Bad Leader collapsed my role with that of another amazing, departing colleague and replaced us with one of his “old friends.” Well…apparently this is her “ride out to retirement” role and she isn’t really interested in doing any work. She is disliked by both the few remaining staff, community partners, AND Bad Leader. Apparently, he wants to fire her but is worried about doing so given the recent staff turnover and what it would look like to the board. It was suggested that he is reaching out to me to see my interest in rejoining the organization in some capacity…

Career – Ummmm…this is a confession for a later post.

Money Out – November was an expensive month. I decided to cancel the expensive gym membership that I had been so excited about at the beginning of the year but never really used. While I had to pay a stiff penalty, it would still be cheaper than paying the monthly membership and then not going through June of next year. I know, “But AP, wouldn’t the cheapest thing just be to go?” Sure. But I wasn’t going to go. The lesson I am slowly learning in my 30s is to accept who I am and work with that instead of planning to become someone else. I realized what kind of gym classes I like and now I drive to University B twice a week to take those classes on campus for $15.00/month thanks to my ongoing part-time work at University B. I figure, if I do that and go for walks outside through the end of when my other gym membership would have expired (June 2023), canceling will have been the correct financial choice.

My iPhone 8 finally died. Well, it didn’t die but it continued to freeze for really long periods of time at inopportune moments (like for over an hour when I needed to clock in for a gig on Qwick). I got a new phone, an iPhone 14, I switched carriers, and I self-financed. How I did that is a confession for later…

Money In – Income in November was kinda spotty due to being sick and I used up what remained of my non-emergency fund savings to augment income for December 1st monthly expenses. Towards the end of the month, things picked up unexpectedly and I worked one opportunity for the county for an entire week but because payment is through the state, the money won’t be deposited until late December. That being said, between that money and the additional income I am earning in December, January 1st could see me possibly return to making student loan payments…or not.

Men – There were some wins and some losses here. The win is that shortly before my birthday, I cut off communication with Gentleman Avery. We had been chatting before the Thanksgiving holiday and I accepted for the millionth time that nothing is ever going to change and despite being a good communicator about most things, he’s terrible when it comes to relationships. And that doesn’t work for me. I don’t like ghosting/disappearing on people but in the past when I have tried to bring our connection to a close, he has not been respectful of my wishes. And the end of the day, I have to look out for AP.

My connection with Herr Philosopher came to an abrupt end. I was a bit sad at first…but it was for the best. I was not prepared to make the sacrifices that would need to have been made for that relationship to work. He is an amazing person, who has been through a lot, and I wish him nothing but the best.

I am currently talking to Mr. Trucker. We actually began talking back in April and I brought our connection to a close because I just wasn’t feeling it. We got back in touch over the summer and early fall, but it was just friendly and I was studying for the MCAT. Recently, he called me and we had a great chat. He persuaded me to have coffee/tea with him and we are going on a coffee/tea date tomorrow morning. He is nothing like the guys I usually date or express an interest…most guys hold graduate degrees, are highly cerebral, have traveled, and align closely politically. Mr. Trucker has never traveled abroad, is a picky eater, didn’t go to college, and isn’t particularly cerebral but is highly opinionated…and he watches Joe Rogan. However, he does seem reasonably happy with where he is at in life, owns a home, invests well, and generally knows what he wants. I have concerns about long-term compatibility given what I suspect are wildly different political views but for now, I’m just trying to have fun.

I owe you more. It’s coming. Thanks for sticking around…

8 thoughts on “Never Keeping Secrets…

  1. Excellent to see you back! I actually have a friend’s younger sister who’s been a team lead at Target for quite a while now. It’s definitely more career-like than you’d think. Lots of HR and caretaking. (And anyway who cares if it isn’t careerlike. You can have a job that isn’t central to your identity as long as you do other things outside it!)

    I was also sick like half the fall. It seems to be a theme, like our immune systems are all kind of low after three years of quarantine/low exposure. It’s the worst! I’m glad you’re doing better now.

    I have to run but it’s really good to have you posting again!

    Liked by 1 person

    • I would not be surprised at all. For now, it was just a consideration. As far as a career…I have other plans at the moment…I told you, another post.

      THIS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! It’s like our immune systems forgot there were other non-COVID viruses out there.

      Awe, thank you C. As awlays, I am grateful for your support.


  2. Hiii!!! I’m so glad you’re back! And you do not ever need to apologize for not posting although I did get worried there for a bit. But I’m honestly just relieve to hear that everything is ok health wise (minus the flu). I had a feeling you probably just had a lot going on and working in between jobs.

    Definitely no laughs with working at Target! I’ve worked at a few retail places and those leads/manager positions are no joke. I’m hearing six figure salaries for manager positions. This is also confirmed by a girl I went to high school with who is earning six figures working as a manager at a fast food chain with only a high school degree. So I definitely feel you with, “What the heck did I go to school for?” 😅

    As always I’m rooting for you and please don’t stress yourself out too much! You have a good head and heart and I am sure whatever path you choose to take will work out.


  3. Hey Ms. AP, I’m glad you’re back! I was a little worried but at the same time I was aware that you were probably just taking a much needed break, and I’m glad that was the case. And I’m happy that now you have a bunch of pent-up blog posts for us to read! 🙂

    I had no idea you can make so much working at Target! I think C is right that your job doesn’t have to be central to your identity, and $70,000 is serious money. But, it sounds like you have a career confession that’s coming so I’ll stay tuned for that.

    I’m sorry to hear Herr Philosopher is gone, but I’ll be interested to hear updates on Mr. Trucker.

    Also, happy belated birthday!


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